just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
