So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
