Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
