Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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