Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
