It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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