I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
