you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
