I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
