My friends, they love my intelligence
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
