My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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