someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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