she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
