we should wear snuggies to the strip club
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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