Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
