the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
