I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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