my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
