5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
