So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
