Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
