so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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