I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
