I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
