is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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