My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
