Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
