today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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