then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
They have beer where we have blood.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
