dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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