it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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