You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
