I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
