I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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