Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
