if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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