Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
