I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
