so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm like, not good at living.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
