last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
