Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
