thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
