You made me cry and you don't even care
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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