You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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