So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
