so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
