How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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