its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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