Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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