Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
