There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
