i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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